I bent the knee to Jesus as Lord 15 years ago. I say it that way because I didn’t “ask him into my heart.” I don’t even
remember if I knew that phrase at the time or not, but what I did was more than
that. I gave Him Lordship. As best I
knew how, anyway.
Fast-forward to two days ago. A friend and I would be joining others in
ministry at the local jail and she mentioned on social media that she forgot
her Bible. “No problem! I’ll bring an
extra one,” I tweeted back, forgetting that there would probably be one there
for her to use. As I searched the
bookshelf in the guest room, my eyes fell on the first Bible I had as a
believer.
This was no ordinary Bible.
Well actually, it was quite ordinary.
You see, when I got saved I was still very much a cynic. And cheap.
“Why should a Bible cost $60?! That’s ridiculous!” I purchased the
cheapest one I could find. I think it
was five bucks. Humiliating to admit,
but true nonetheless.
Recalling that we were not allowed to take loose papers into
the prison, I opened the no-frills Book to find a note on which I had written a
long time ago. Then another. And another.
By the time I finished flipping through the pages, I had the equivalent
of a small pad of post-it’s in a pile on the dresser. I started to read the
words written on the little orange and green paper squares. Almost
all the questions or comments I recorded on those sheets were written with a skeptical
tone. Absolutely all of it was
written out of a desire to KNOW the truth. At that
point in my life, I had no tolerance for superficial or false hope- only
reality would do. I knew Jesus was
real. I just didn’t know Him. I wrestled with God and unwittingly recorded those
matches on sticky notes. As I laughed
out loud, I said to Him, “You really hung in there with me while I struggled
for answers, didn’t You, Lord?”
As the notes began to stir memories of the early days of my
faith, I began to weep.
Because he really did
hang in there with me while I asked all my questions-even from a heart new
to the transforming process from cynical to sanctified.
The questions seem really silly to me now only because over
these 15 years I have gotten to know the One who wrote the Book. We wrestle differently now because I know and believe He is trustworthy. He is not going to leave me. I don’t demand answers from Him like I used
to. God is faithful to give me the
answers I need to complete the tasks assigned to me. Everything else I release to His loving,
capable care.
God bless those brothers and sisters who welcome the cynical
but honest questions. For some people though, the very process of questioning
is threatening. Ask the wrong person and
one could risk raised eyebrows, condemnation, or worse.
Not with God.
Not at all.
Sweet cynic, ask the questions of the LORD, dig deep, and
seek His heart with all of yours no matter how broken it is-
For your benefit and His Glory!
No comments:
Post a Comment